STILL SEETHING...

My husband left me in June of 1996 and died in Oct. 2000. The woman he left me for, he had been seeing for 15+ years off and on. What that woman didn't know, was that she was one of at least four others I know of.

I put a lot of stock in my marriage vows, which apparently was not in my husbands make-up. He was married before me -= and cheated on that wife, but in my way of thinking - he loved me enough, that would never be an issue.

He left on the day our youngest graduated from high school. His thinking was he wouldn't have to pay child support. He sent me $150/week for nine weeks - then nothing. I had the sole responsibility of all the bills and the mortgage. I never begged him for a damn thing. Our son was in an expensive college, and my husband was the type to sit on a bar stool and BRAG about his intelligent son - yet lent not one single dollar for that education or support.

I worked two jobs to give my son a lousy $50-$70 week to spend. If I had more - it went to my son.

The hard part, is after my husband passed away - his family is still staying in contact with that bimbo (huge and UGLY). NONE of them realize that that woman meant no more to him than the ones he left behind. The other women live close by, and I know that he was in contact with them, at least three weeks before he died. But dipshit - still thinks she was the ONLY one. What a loser mentality.

My son now has some of these family members as his friends on Facebook, and I saw that they also have the bimbo on there. Egads...what idiots. Even my husbands family had/have no idea what a pathological liar and cheat he really was. His only concerns at any given time - were all selfish. His needs had to be fulfilled, and cheating and lying was his way of life.

When my husband left me, I went through the normal stages of grief, mad, self-pity...but managed to get over that hurdle quite quickly when I found out all that I did. The dumb ass - set up housekeeping near MY nieces. I knew everything he was doing. Plus the fact that I made trips to the hometown frequently and saw him often.

Eight years later and I still manage to get upset. I have my kids and grandchildren which is more than enough to keep me happy. More than my late husband ever appreciated. Life goes on, I have a wonderful life, and I'm happy. My great kids make all the difference in the world.

My son has no love for his father - he saw and heard too much to ever change that opinion. So if his aunts or uncles would ever try to change that feeling - they are in for a rude awakening. Oh, and they don't even want to bring anything up to my daughter...she will chew them up and spit them out! Amazing how a single person can instill that much animosity.

I feel better - just getting this out. My husband may have had other women - but I have my children, which I love and appreciate every beating moment.

I guess I need to vent a little also.

I started this blog to veer away from my regular site, mainly to vent. At the moment, I just read a fellow blogger's post and she is citing all the tasks she is responsible for within the home, not to mention her full-time outside job. It does get to be aggravating at times.

When my husband was alive and living in the home, he was worthless in assisting with most household chores or repairs. I stated many times that he was great at starting projects, but lousy at finishing any of them. He was also great at bitching about what was NOT done, in his alcoholic gravelly voice, but never found the words to praise the accomplishments. For most of those years, I too worked full time. At one point I worked two jobs to compensate for the wages he managed to drink away. It worked for me, I did succeed in getting my son through a fine college - and he never complained about the $50 I would give him a week for spending money - more if I could afford it. The smile on his face when I presented him with a nice used car, his second year of college was priceless. By that time, his father had moved in with his slut girlfriend and never sent a dime our way.

All that is beside the point. There is so much I need to have done right now and definitely not enough hours in the day. My daughter works mostly 3-11:30 pm shifts, and she is too tired to help or says she will "do it later" - I need a baseball bat!

Along with seeing that my clients are taken care of, I will get to the walls that need scrubbed, the carpets shampooed, the upstairs walls that need painted....and on and on.

I have reached a point where I have to tell myself that I physically can no longer do these tasks without help. But finances won't allow for that, and I am not one to ask either. Now I need to kick myself in the ass.

Basically, we women know that our job(s) is a thankless one, except for the ocassional notice..and not much will change, at least not in my life.

I feel better now. I have to go throw another load of clothes in the wash and finish the dishes. And the good thing...tomorrow is another day! I just need to get this off my chest for now - nothing will change but I feel a little better.

have a good weekend. I'll see ya when I see ya!

Anger moment hitting me....

Crazy as I am, I am having issues - labeled "anger" in the title, but more like frustration.

The doctor has told me NOT to do certain things, but if anything is to be done...I have to do it. I love my children, but having brought one daughter back into the house seven years ago - I have lost my privacy, not to mention a life.

My daughter likes to cook, no problem there..but clean-up is not her main talent. Letting pans soak for days is not beyond her. I end up doing the deed, and having her yell at me to "stop." Not happening.

Her laundry skills are limited to putting in washing machine, then dryer and that's it. Days later when she needs something, she will just turn on the dryer, hoping to release the wrinkles...but never folding the entire load. My routine is wash-dry-fold, and put away. Over and done with!!



I raised my kids, following my routines, but they adapt easier methods upon leaving home, it appears.

Yesterday, after many days of nagging, we got the final inside Christmas decorations put away. This was like "pulling teeth!" When the weather warms up - if ever - the outside lights, reindeer and flags will come down.

Thanks for letting me get this out of my system - beats screaming at the wall. Have a great weekend!

GRANDMA SARAH PALIN & GRANDPA TODD...

Well, Bristol Palin has finally given birth. Her son weighted 7 lb 4 oz., and has been named: TRIPP EASTON MITCHELL JOHNSTON. WTF is with all those names??? Anyway, maybe Bristol and the high school drop-out will get married in 2009 - we shall see!! End of newsflash!

What can 2009 hold for me....and the rest of the U.S.???

I created this site, just to get away and have a place to vent. We are not always "open" about our lives, and my other site is established - so it is a different persona. Is that fair? I'm not sure, but there are times, the suffering or emotional roller coaster I am on - becomes too overwhelming.

Financially, I am about to have a meltdown. My house is paid for and my pension JUST pays the monthly bills. If it were not for my son, Christmas would have been a disaster. He helps me out, and I feel like a burden - and I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. If my physical health were better, I would be fine with even a part-time position, but even that is an impossibility right now. I have never worked a job where I did not give a minimum of 100% - I just don't see where I could be employed that didn't involve sitting or standing - both of which I cannot handle. Damnit!! I feel like a horse that needs to be shot and put out of my misery.

My son more or less supplements my income, for food and extras...but this is not his job in life. I have to get my Social Security disability and things should improve, but we know how the government moves...one speed...slow!

I am not a very good "resolution" maker/keeper, but this year...I am definitely going to try. First, I definitely want to QUIT smoking. With my past heart history, I should have quit a long time ago...but the Irish/stubborn side of me has not succeeded. Of course, the LOSE WEIGHT issue needs to be addressed as well.

If I tell anyone/someone of my intentions, I will not even have a chance. I have not told my children, as I am going to try my level best at these challenges. Commonly, as soon as say I am going to do "something", and I fail...there are the "I told you Si's" and "loser", only to mention a couple. This challenge is for me and me alone - success or failure to be dealt with BY me. Admittedly, I have absolutely NO willpower, and challenges are quite difficult...but honestly, I will try.

So much for my daily vent...I will return at some time soon, I hope. TTFN.

I need a life....

Don't get old, whatever you do. Find a way to fight that clock. I have arthritis all through my body, from the top of my head to my toes. Several years ago, I had a bone scan done and that sonofumbeach lit up like a Christmas tree. I am not in severe pain all the time, but I have a very high thresh hold for pain. When the winter months arrive and even damp seasons - I notice the difference.

Hereditary traits like these are a real pain. My oldest daughter has rheumatoid arthritis and it has affected her feet terribly. I feel so bad for her and she is only 38 (as of the 29th of this month).

I babysit my grandson a great deal and wish I could do more active things with him, but physically I just can't anymore.

Eight heart attacks, triple bypass, multiple other surgeries and this body is shot to hell. I had back surgery 29 years ago and everything had been fine until last October when my best friend was dying. I ran home to get some things to help take care of her, and when I ran in the front door - I stepped on the cat and fell very hard. That fall, messed up the surgery of so many years ago. I cannot sit or stand for long, and the pain of getting out of bed in the morning is tough.

I'm just griping here - that's why I created a second blog. A place to selfishly vent. Do I feel better - physically NO, but mentally, probably.

I avoid doctors and tests, as the only health insurance I have is from my husband's union - and it is only 80% major medical. Anesthesiology (when I had bypass) was only paid 25%. I have no prescription, dental, office or eye care. Now doesn't that just suck? I should be on all kinds of meds for my heart - but screw that. The Lipitor was running me $160/month. No way Jose. Talk about falling through the cracks. And I get the run around on getting Social Security Disability. I have applied as a widow also. Normally, I could draw as a widow at 62, but now I just have to play the game to try and get it earlier. Bureaucracy is a blast too.

OK - feel better now...time to get the kid in the bath tub.

Until then..............

Back to normal????!!! Maybe not....

My son put a cartoon on his blog this morning - referencing me and how addictive I have become to blogging - as seen on my other site. I have been blogging since Dec. 2005 and basically made cursory once or twice a week entries. But alas, this political season has seen a more rampant posting. But not on this site.

I feel like this kitty in the bowl now - and I have to come out and alive! Just thinking that Thanksgiving is three weeks from tomorrow and then 4 weeks till Christmas makes my heart speed up. I am so not ready for either, and heaven knows, financially Christmas scares me. My paltry pension just does not go far enough. My physical health is not what it used to be, and finding employment that is conducive to each and every problem is tough...Rats, I'll think about that later.

The grandson is keeping me busy with homework assistance right now - so I will try to come up with something for later.

Till then....