I created this site, just to get away and have a place to vent. We are not always "open" about our lives, and my other site is established - so it is a different persona. Is that fair? I'm not sure, but there are times, the suffering or emotional roller coaster I am on - becomes too overwhelming.
Financially, I am about to have a meltdown. My house is paid for and my pension JUST pays the monthly bills. If it were not for my son, Christmas would have been a disaster. He helps me out, and I feel like a burden - and I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. If my physical health were better, I would be fine with even a part-time position, but even that is an impossibility right now. I have never worked a job where I did not give a minimum of 100% - I just don't see where I could be employed that didn't involve sitting or standing - both of which I cannot handle. Damnit!! I feel like a horse that needs to be shot and put out of my misery.
My son more or less supplements my income, for food and extras...but this is not his job in life. I have to get my Social Security disability and things should improve, but we know how the government moves...one speed...slow!
I am not a very good "resolution" maker/keeper, but this year...I am definitely going to try. First, I definitely want to QUIT smoking. With my past heart history, I should have quit a long time ago...but the Irish/stubborn side of me has not succeeded. Of course, the LOSE WEIGHT issue needs to be addressed as well.
If I tell anyone/someone of my intentions, I will not even have a chance. I have not told my children, as I am going to try my level best at these challenges. Commonly, as soon as say I am going to do "something", and I fail...there are the "I told you Si's" and "loser", only to mention a couple. This challenge is for me and me alone - success or failure to be dealt with BY me. Admittedly, I have absolutely NO willpower, and challenges are quite difficult...but honestly, I will try.
So much for my daily vent...I will return at some time soon, I hope. TTFN.
