I guess I need to vent a little also.

I started this blog to veer away from my regular site, mainly to vent. At the moment, I just read a fellow blogger's post and she is citing all the tasks she is responsible for within the home, not to mention her full-time outside job. It does get to be aggravating at times.

When my husband was alive and living in the home, he was worthless in assisting with most household chores or repairs. I stated many times that he was great at starting projects, but lousy at finishing any of them. He was also great at bitching about what was NOT done, in his alcoholic gravelly voice, but never found the words to praise the accomplishments. For most of those years, I too worked full time. At one point I worked two jobs to compensate for the wages he managed to drink away. It worked for me, I did succeed in getting my son through a fine college - and he never complained about the $50 I would give him a week for spending money - more if I could afford it. The smile on his face when I presented him with a nice used car, his second year of college was priceless. By that time, his father had moved in with his slut girlfriend and never sent a dime our way.

All that is beside the point. There is so much I need to have done right now and definitely not enough hours in the day. My daughter works mostly 3-11:30 pm shifts, and she is too tired to help or says she will "do it later" - I need a baseball bat!

Along with seeing that my clients are taken care of, I will get to the walls that need scrubbed, the carpets shampooed, the upstairs walls that need painted....and on and on.

I have reached a point where I have to tell myself that I physically can no longer do these tasks without help. But finances won't allow for that, and I am not one to ask either. Now I need to kick myself in the ass.

Basically, we women know that our job(s) is a thankless one, except for the ocassional notice..and not much will change, at least not in my life.

I feel better now. I have to go throw another load of clothes in the wash and finish the dishes. And the good thing...tomorrow is another day! I just need to get this off my chest for now - nothing will change but I feel a little better.

have a good weekend. I'll see ya when I see ya!

What can 2009 hold for me....and the rest of the U.S.???

I created this site, just to get away and have a place to vent. We are not always "open" about our lives, and my other site is established - so it is a different persona. Is that fair? I'm not sure, but there are times, the suffering or emotional roller coaster I am on - becomes too overwhelming.

Financially, I am about to have a meltdown. My house is paid for and my pension JUST pays the monthly bills. If it were not for my son, Christmas would have been a disaster. He helps me out, and I feel like a burden - and I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. If my physical health were better, I would be fine with even a part-time position, but even that is an impossibility right now. I have never worked a job where I did not give a minimum of 100% - I just don't see where I could be employed that didn't involve sitting or standing - both of which I cannot handle. Damnit!! I feel like a horse that needs to be shot and put out of my misery.

My son more or less supplements my income, for food and extras...but this is not his job in life. I have to get my Social Security disability and things should improve, but we know how the government moves...one speed...slow!

I am not a very good "resolution" maker/keeper, but this year...I am definitely going to try. First, I definitely want to QUIT smoking. With my past heart history, I should have quit a long time ago...but the Irish/stubborn side of me has not succeeded. Of course, the LOSE WEIGHT issue needs to be addressed as well.

If I tell anyone/someone of my intentions, I will not even have a chance. I have not told my children, as I am going to try my level best at these challenges. Commonly, as soon as say I am going to do "something", and I fail...there are the "I told you Si's" and "loser", only to mention a couple. This challenge is for me and me alone - success or failure to be dealt with BY me. Admittedly, I have absolutely NO willpower, and challenges are quite difficult...but honestly, I will try.

So much for my daily vent...I will return at some time soon, I hope. TTFN.