Gone But Will Never Be Forgotten

My name is Carrie I am the ungrateful daughter who sleeps all the time. First of all I want to say I am glad that I did not know anything about this blog until recently even though it hurt even more reading it now.

I am sorry to say that the day my mother posted last, she suffered her 9th heart attack. From that point on I took care of her and also had her life flighted to Ohio State University Hospital where they almost lost her. After being on a vent for a week and coming back to us, I brought her home. From that point on she continued to go down hill. She went through several prcedures including stents and the placement of pace maker/defibrilator. Nothing helped. At random times, all lf which I was home with her and my son, she would say she didn't feel good. Not even 10 minutes later she was so full of fluid 911 almost couldn't help. They managed to bring her back 3 times. I bathed her, changed her, cleaned her when she had an accident, and she was embarrassed. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I love my mother and I took care of her until she passed away in mine and my brothers arms, July 3, 2010. It was a tough battle but she is at peace now. I hope all of you who follow her know. I understand your opinions, and I saw what she wrote about me but that will never change how badly I am lost without her, and how much I love her and I would take care of her all over again just to have her back.

My mother is gone but will never be forgotten. I am leaving her Facebook up because I can't part with her and neither can some of her friends. You are welcome to visit.

I'VE BEEN AWAY FROM THIS BLOG.....

....but I still need this site to vent. I love my daughter with all my heart, but her living with me is becoming exhausting.

I do 90% of all cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc... When I ask for help, it's like "I have a job and I'm going to sleep in on my days off!"

How the hell did I do it when I had a husband and young children AND A JOB??? that was exhausting also, but that was my responsibility. To come home from work, prepare a meal, see that homework is completed, school functions attended, then after they were asleep...on to the cleaning stuff. I never got as pissed then, but I am older now, and have a bad heart - but apparently this makes no difference.

She wakes up and gets her son off to school and is back in bed at 8 am, sleeping till eleven or noon possibly. That is when she works a 1 - 9:30 pm shift. If she works the 10 - 6:30 slot, she will go back to bed till 9 am, then rush her ass off getting out of here.

I get yelled at, when I do accomplish something, with the retort "I told you I would do that!" Well, her attitude towards time is much different than mine.

When I want something done, I want it done now...not days later, that just infuriates me. I see things that need to be done around the house, and some I can accomplish, some I need assistance.

The holidays are quickly coming and I need to organize some decorations "and stuff", but she sees no rush in all this. That is why I would love to decorate now for Christmas, so I can kick back, relax and enjoy. Starting after Thanksgiving, gives me so little time to enjoy. I have to note - I go all out for Christmas. It is my favorite holiday, and I have a Santa collection I love to exhibit and every nook and cranny becomes CHRISTMAS.

Well, that's off my chest, but solves nothing. As she went out the door a half hour ago, the sweeper was still out - guess I will finish that task too. Furniture moved for the vacuuming - so I will move that back as well.

I will get all this completed...and then I am going to put my "snowmen" out. My grandson will get home around 4 pm, do his homeowrk and then play outside till it gets dark, around 5:30 pm. Then I will get his dinner, see that his bath is taken, teeth brushed and get him up to bed at 8:30 - lights out at 9 pm. then I may, just possibly get to relax a wee bit.

I take complete blame for allowing my daughter to just cruise by in life. But she is going to have to realize sooner rather than later, work is involved in the home as well as in outside employment. Life sucks, but this is the reality.

Grumble, grumble, grumble...I'm just in a grousing mood at the moment, forgive me!

Take care and I'm sure I will return here to vent again! Thanks for listening. Thank heavens I have this site hidden. She may find it someday, but what the hell.........

PULLING MY HAIRS OUT - AND I CAN'T SPARE A SINGLE ONE!

As usual, I go to do the laundry, and by the time I'm ready to place the newly washed clothes in the dryer - the damn dryer has clothes still residing there. Damn!!! I feel like the servant of the house. I do the cooking (mostly), all the laundry, clean - which includes all the menial tasks such as dusting, vacuuming, re-arranging, decluttering, etc. So much for semi-retirement.

I'm not saying I deserve an y medals - because the chores need to be done, but a little help would be welcome. When I ask for help or "suggest" something needs done, I get the same retort, "let it go and I will get it later!" Hell no.

When I want something done, I prefer to have it done relatively soon, not when the mood swings a person. Unfortunately, I must have done something wrong in raising my daughter. Reminding her that her bed sheets need washed - well you'd think I asked for a pint of blood.

Yesterday, I did a minor yard task - and she jumps all over me for not waiting for her to get the job done. That is so not happening. Of course, if I state that I am sore from doing some deed - I get the "I told you so" smug remark. I'm reaching a breaking point.

I am doing absolutely nothing today - not that there aren't things to be done - oops, guess I am doing something (laundry). But nothing else.

I'm terrible, I see so much that needs to be done and the reality that physically I cannot do it all, sets in. In my mind I can whip the world - till the world hits me in the face with a reality check.

OK - got that off my chest. The grandson will be home soon, so it will be time for homework and such.

Sorry for the irregular posts here, but when I set it up - it is strictly a place for me to VENT!!!

Have a great day all - or whomever still drops by here! LOL

OK - I'M TIRED OF ALL THE MJ DEATH STUFF...SO THIS IS MY FINALE...

I was truly impressed with the "Thriller" song/dance put on by these Phillipino inmates in 2007 - and now they have made a trubute in homage to Michael Jackson. they spent endless hours practicing in rain and heat to do this, which I think is applaudable. The program of the dance in this prison has had positive results for this penal institution. There has not been a violent criminal act behind these bars in over three years.



No more, no less...he is gone and this is my (hopefully) last word on the subject.

OH HELL NO.....

If my daughter ever finds this link...my ass is grass. School is almost out for the summer, and my "babysitting" chores will be non-stop. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandson more than anything in the world...but!

When my best friend was alive, we did so many spontaneous things, go to dinner, a movie, shopping, whatever. Since her passing in October of '07 - I have had no life at all. I will never have another friend like her...period. We fought, argued, loved and adored - just like sisters. Now my life is tending to my grandson while his mother is either at work or asleep.

My daughter has no clue (honestly) how hard it is to make it on her own. If she didn't have me, she would be spending some serious bucks on child care and she would have to learn that because she works an 8 hour a day job - she doesn't deserve 10-12 hours sleep, foregoing time with her son.

When the daughter is on her way to work, at work and on the way home, she always finds reasons to call me on her cell with the most trivial and mundane. I will get text messages constantly about what is going on at work or whatever she may be thinking...I really don't want to be bothered. If she forgets something at home - she wants me to drive over to work and bring her said item.

This morning she left home without her pain meds, and wanted to know if I could drop them off when I left for my picnic. I said no. She has to learn responsibility - she is 29 for heaven's sake.

I was invited to a great friend's house for a picnic today - and to be honest - it will be mostly adults. Actually, I don't think there will be any kids at all. I explained that to my friend, and of course he said to bring the grandson - he would take him on the four-wheeler and down to the pond, maybe even teach him how to throw a line in to fish. This is really nice, but I don't want to take away from the adult part of the get-together.

I have made my pasta salad, charged the grandsons PS2 and DVD player, and he has his coloring materials. Hopefully this will keep him occupied. In all honesty, he is really great at entertaining himself - so for the 3-4 hours we will be there - all should be good.

I just wanted to bitch a little today - I need a break. Knowing I need that break is good, but I have no one to spend time with having fun - like I used to.

Thanks for listening to my grouse and grumble session. TTFN.

I AM NOW THE MEAN NINA (GRANDMOTHER)!!

I have often bragged and blogged about my 8 year old grandson. He is a normal 8 year old - runs, plays, rides bikes, video games, blah, blah, blah. We have never had any significant behavior problems either.

Till yesterday. I get a phone call from the assistant principal of his elementary school - whom I know well as he graduated high school with my daughter. Apparently, there was cause to call the 8 year old into the office for disciplinary reasons.

On Wednesday, while on the school bus, another child kept calling Colton a "baby", and it appears that when he had enough - he made the statement - "I'm going to get a rifle and blow your head off." Ruh-roh - he's 8 years old and we have never discussed "zero tolerance."

To set everything straight - he has never owned a toy gun, we don't have any guns, and he has never ever made a threat such as that. So I chalk it up to him wanting to act "bullish" in order to stand up for himself.

I don't condone the comment - and the school has "sentenced" him to detention during recess for the remainder of the school year - 15 more days. The assistant principal knows this child and acknowledges that there has never been any behavior problems in the past - and he feels the issue should be settled...but......now it appears that the parents of the other child want to file police charges. WTF?!?! this is where I have a definite problem with the "zero tolerance" mentality.

If police charges are warranted, there is no one in my generation that would not have a police record. Of course, when I was growing up we didn't have all these rules and regulations to conform to. there was "right" and there was "wrong." Back then, WRONG guaranteed your ass got blistered at school and once again upon arriving home.

I only know the first name of this offended child and have no way of contacting the parents to try and assuage the situation. But...I do know everyone at the police department and they know me and my grandson, so I should get a heads up if anything actually develops in that area.

Oh and YES, the grandson is suffering through some severe punishment at home for at least a month. No bike, no video games, no playing with the neighbors and he has a new list of chores.

I have explained what this ZT rule is all about, and I think he has a simplistic comprehension now. He also now knows that everything he says or does on the school bus is video/sound recorded.

Thedaughter (mother of child) did not handle this situation well, as she never handles anything well. She is notorious for flying off the handle, and I tried to placate her a little - with very little satisfaction.

We will see what delops here, but as far as I am concerned, the matter is being dealt with appropriately.

Have a great day!

STILL SEETHING...

My husband left me in June of 1996 and died in Oct. 2000. The woman he left me for, he had been seeing for 15+ years off and on. What that woman didn't know, was that she was one of at least four others I know of.

I put a lot of stock in my marriage vows, which apparently was not in my husbands make-up. He was married before me -= and cheated on that wife, but in my way of thinking - he loved me enough, that would never be an issue.

He left on the day our youngest graduated from high school. His thinking was he wouldn't have to pay child support. He sent me $150/week for nine weeks - then nothing. I had the sole responsibility of all the bills and the mortgage. I never begged him for a damn thing. Our son was in an expensive college, and my husband was the type to sit on a bar stool and BRAG about his intelligent son - yet lent not one single dollar for that education or support.

I worked two jobs to give my son a lousy $50-$70 week to spend. If I had more - it went to my son.

The hard part, is after my husband passed away - his family is still staying in contact with that bimbo (huge and UGLY). NONE of them realize that that woman meant no more to him than the ones he left behind. The other women live close by, and I know that he was in contact with them, at least three weeks before he died. But dipshit - still thinks she was the ONLY one. What a loser mentality.

My son now has some of these family members as his friends on Facebook, and I saw that they also have the bimbo on there. Egads...what idiots. Even my husbands family had/have no idea what a pathological liar and cheat he really was. His only concerns at any given time - were all selfish. His needs had to be fulfilled, and cheating and lying was his way of life.

When my husband left me, I went through the normal stages of grief, mad, self-pity...but managed to get over that hurdle quite quickly when I found out all that I did. The dumb ass - set up housekeeping near MY nieces. I knew everything he was doing. Plus the fact that I made trips to the hometown frequently and saw him often.

Eight years later and I still manage to get upset. I have my kids and grandchildren which is more than enough to keep me happy. More than my late husband ever appreciated. Life goes on, I have a wonderful life, and I'm happy. My great kids make all the difference in the world.

My son has no love for his father - he saw and heard too much to ever change that opinion. So if his aunts or uncles would ever try to change that feeling - they are in for a rude awakening. Oh, and they don't even want to bring anything up to my daughter...she will chew them up and spit them out! Amazing how a single person can instill that much animosity.

I feel better - just getting this out. My husband may have had other women - but I have my children, which I love and appreciate every beating moment.