Meanderthal!!!

Gone But Will Never Be Forgotten

2011-01-28T22:54:00.003-05:00

My name is Carrie I am the ungrateful daughter who sleeps all the time. First of all I want to say I am glad that I did not know anything about this blog until recently even though it hurt even more reading it now.

I am sorry to say that the day my mother posted last, she suffered her 9th heart attack. From that point on I took care of her and also had her life flighted to Ohio State University Hospital where they almost lost her. After being on a vent for a week and coming back to us, I brought her home. From that point on she continued to go down hill. She went through several prcedures including stents and the placement of pace maker/defibrilator. Nothing helped. At random times, all lf which I was home with her and my son, she would say she didn't feel good. Not even 10 minutes later she was so full of fluid 911 almost couldn't help. They managed to bring her back 3 times. I bathed her, changed her, cleaned her when she had an accident, and she was embarrassed. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I love my mother and I took care of her until she passed away in mine and my brothers arms, July 3, 2010. It was a tough battle but she is at peace now. I hope all of you who follow her know. I understand your opinions, and I saw what she wrote about me but that will never change how badly I am lost without her, and how much I love her and I would take care of her all over again just to have her back.

My mother is gone but will never be forgotten. I am leaving her Facebook up because I can't part with her and neither can some of her friends. You are welcome to visit.

I'VE BEEN AWAY FROM THIS BLOG.....

2009-11-17T13:13:00.000-05:00

....but I still need this site to vent. I love my daughter with all my heart, but her living with me is becoming exhausting.

I do 90% of all cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc... When I ask for help, it's like "I have a job and I'm going to sleep in on my days off!"

How the hell did I do it when I had a husband and young children AND A JOB??? that was exhausting also, but that was my responsibility. To come home from work, prepare a meal, see that homework is completed, school functions attended, then after they were asleep...on to the cleaning stuff. I never got as pissed then, but I am older now, and have a bad heart - but apparently this makes no difference.

She wakes up and gets her son off to school and is back in bed at 8 am, sleeping till eleven or noon possibly. That is when she works a 1 - 9:30 pm shift. If she works the 10 - 6:30 slot, she will go back to bed till 9 am, then rush her ass off getting out of here.

I get yelled at, when I do accomplish something, with the retort "I told you I would do that!" Well, her attitude towards time is much different than mine.

When I want something done, I want it done now...not days later, that just infuriates me. I see things that need to be done around the house, and some I can accomplish, some I need assistance.

The holidays are quickly coming and I need to organize some decorations "and stuff", but she sees no rush in all this. That is why I would love to decorate now for Christmas, so I can kick back, relax and enjoy. Starting after Thanksgiving, gives me so little time to enjoy. I have to note - I go all out for Christmas. It is my favorite holiday, and I have a Santa collection I love to exhibit and every nook and cranny becomes CHRISTMAS.

Well, that's off my chest, but solves nothing. As she went out the door a half hour ago, the sweeper was still out - guess I will finish that task too. Furniture moved for the vacuuming - so I will move that back as well.

I will get all this completed...and then I am going to put my "snowmen" out. My grandson will get home around 4 pm, do his homeowrk and then play outside till it gets dark, around 5:30 pm. Then I will get his dinner, see that his bath is taken, teeth brushed and get him up to bed at 8:30 - lights out at 9 pm. then I may, just possibly get to relax a wee bit.

I take complete blame for allowing my daughter to just cruise by in life. But she is going to have to realize sooner rather than later, work is involved in the home as well as in outside employment. Life sucks, but this is the reality.

Grumble, grumble, grumble...I'm just in a grousing mood at the moment, forgive me!

Take care and I'm sure I will return here to vent again! Thanks for listening. Thank heavens I have this site hidden. She may find it someday, but what the hell.........

PULLING MY HAIRS OUT - AND I CAN'T SPARE A SINGLE ONE!

2009-08-27T14:43:00.004-04:00

As usual, I go to do the laundry, and by the time I'm ready to place the newly washed clothes in the dryer - the damn dryer has clothes still residing there. Damn!!! I feel like the servant of the house. I do the cooking (mostly), all the laundry, clean - which includes all the menial tasks such as dusting, vacuuming, re-arranging, decluttering, etc. So much for semi-retirement.

I'm not saying I deserve an y medals - because the chores need to be done, but a little help would be welcome. When I ask for help or "suggest" something needs done, I get the same retort, "let it go and I will get it later!" Hell no.

When I want something done, I prefer to have it done relatively soon, not when the mood swings a person. Unfortunately, I must have done something wrong in raising my daughter. Reminding her that her bed sheets need washed - well you'd think I asked for a pint of blood.

Yesterday, I did a minor yard task - and she jumps all over me for not waiting for her to get the job done. That is so not happening. Of course, if I state that I am sore from doing some deed - I get the "I told you so" smug remark. I'm reaching a breaking point.

I am doing absolutely nothing today - not that there aren't things to be done - oops, guess I am doing something (laundry). But nothing else.

I'm terrible, I see so much that needs to be done and the reality that physically I cannot do it all, sets in. In my mind I can whip the world - till the world hits me in the face with a reality check.

OK - got that off my chest. The grandson will be home soon, so it will be time for homework and such.

Sorry for the irregular posts here, but when I set it up - it is strictly a place for me to VENT!!!

Have a great day all - or whomever still drops by here! LOL

OK - I'M TIRED OF ALL THE MJ DEATH STUFF...SO THIS IS MY FINALE...

2009-06-28T12:14:00.003-04:00

I was truly impressed with the "Thriller" song/dance put on by these Phillipino inmates in 2007 - and now they have made a trubute in homage to Michael Jackson. they spent endless hours practicing in rain and heat to do this, which I think is applaudable. The program of the dance in this prison has had positive results for this penal institution. There has not been a violent criminal act behind these bars in over three years.

No more, no less...he is gone and this is my (hopefully) last word on the subject.

OH HELL NO.....

2009-05-24T11:21:00.005-04:00

If my daughter ever finds this link...my ass is grass. School is almost out for the summer, and my "babysitting" chores will be non-stop. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandson more than anything in the world...but!

When my best friend was alive, we did so many spontaneous things, go to dinner, a movie, shopping, whatever. Since her passing in October of '07 - I have had no life at all. I will never have another friend like her...period. We fought, argued, loved and adored - just like sisters. Now my life is tending to my grandson while his mother is either at work or asleep.

My daughter has no clue (honestly) how hard it is to make it on her own. If she didn't have me, she would be spending some serious bucks on child care and she would have to learn that because she works an 8 hour a day job - she doesn't deserve 10-12 hours sleep, foregoing time with her son.

When the daughter is on her way to work, at work and on the way home, she always finds reasons to call me on her cell with the most trivial and mundane. I will get text messages constantly about what is going on at work or whatever she may be thinking...I really don't want to be bothered. If she forgets something at home - she wants me to drive over to work and bring her said item.

This morning she left home without her pain meds, and wanted to know if I could drop them off when I left for my picnic. I said no. She has to learn responsibility - she is 29 for heaven's sake.

I was invited to a great friend's house for a picnic today - and to be honest - it will be mostly adults. Actually, I don't think there will be any kids at all. I explained that to my friend, and of course he said to bring the grandson - he would take him on the four-wheeler and down to the pond, maybe even teach him how to throw a line in to fish. This is really nice, but I don't want to take away from the adult part of the get-together.

I have made my pasta salad, charged the grandsons PS2 and DVD player, and he has his coloring materials. Hopefully this will keep him occupied. In all honesty, he is really great at entertaining himself - so for the 3-4 hours we will be there - all should be good.

I just wanted to bitch a little today - I need a break. Knowing I need that break is good, but I have no one to spend time with having fun - like I used to.

Thanks for listening to my grouse and grumble session. TTFN.

I AM NOW THE MEAN NINA (GRANDMOTHER)!!

2009-05-08T11:45:00.003-04:00

I have often bragged and blogged about my 8 year old grandson. He is a normal 8 year old - runs, plays, rides bikes, video games, blah, blah, blah. We have never had any significant behavior problems either.

Till yesterday. I get a phone call from the assistant principal of his elementary school - whom I know well as he graduated high school with my daughter. Apparently, there was cause to call the 8 year old into the office for disciplinary reasons.

On Wednesday, while on the school bus, another child kept calling Colton a "baby", and it appears that when he had enough - he made the statement - "I'm going to get a rifle and blow your head off." Ruh-roh - he's 8 years old and we have never discussed "zero tolerance."

To set everything straight - he has never owned a toy gun, we don't have any guns, and he has never ever made a threat such as that. So I chalk it up to him wanting to act "bullish" in order to stand up for himself.

I don't condone the comment - and the school has "sentenced" him to detention during recess for the remainder of the school year - 15 more days. The assistant principal knows this child and acknowledges that there has never been any behavior problems in the past - and he feels the issue should be settled...but......now it appears that the parents of the other child want to file police charges. WTF?!?! this is where I have a definite problem with the "zero tolerance" mentality.

If police charges are warranted, there is no one in my generation that would not have a police record. Of course, when I was growing up we didn't have all these rules and regulations to conform to. there was "right" and there was "wrong." Back then, WRONG guaranteed your ass got blistered at school and once again upon arriving home.

I only know the first name of this offended child and have no way of contacting the parents to try and assuage the situation. But...I do know everyone at the police department and they know me and my grandson, so I should get a heads up if anything actually develops in that area.

Oh and YES, the grandson is suffering through some severe punishment at home for at least a month. No bike, no video games, no playing with the neighbors and he has a new list of chores.

I have explained what this ZT rule is all about, and I think he has a simplistic comprehension now. He also now knows that everything he says or does on the school bus is video/sound recorded.

Thedaughter (mother of child) did not handle this situation well, as she never handles anything well. She is notorious for flying off the handle, and I tried to placate her a little - with very little satisfaction.

We will see what delops here, but as far as I am concerned, the matter is being dealt with appropriately.

Have a great day!

STILL SEETHING...

2009-03-07T10:27:00.002-05:00

My husband left me in June of 1996 and died in Oct. 2000. The woman he left me for, he had been seeing for 15+ years off and on. What that woman didn't know, was that she was one of at least four others I know of.

I put a lot of stock in my marriage vows, which apparently was not in my husbands make-up. He was married before me -= and cheated on that wife, but in my way of thinking - he loved me enough, that would never be an issue.

He left on the day our youngest graduated from high school. His thinking was he wouldn't have to pay child support. He sent me $150/week for nine weeks - then nothing. I had the sole responsibility of all the bills and the mortgage. I never begged him for a damn thing. Our son was in an expensive college, and my husband was the type to sit on a bar stool and BRAG about his intelligent son - yet lent not one single dollar for that education or support.

I worked two jobs to give my son a lousy $50-$70 week to spend. If I had more - it went to my son.

The hard part, is after my husband passed away - his family is still staying in contact with that bimbo (huge and UGLY). NONE of them realize that that woman meant no more to him than the ones he left behind. The other women live close by, and I know that he was in contact with them, at least three weeks before he died. But dipshit - still thinks she was the ONLY one. What a loser mentality.

My son now has some of these family members as his friends on Facebook, and I saw that they also have the bimbo on there. Egads...what idiots. Even my husbands family had/have no idea what a pathological liar and cheat he really was. His only concerns at any given time - were all selfish. His needs had to be fulfilled, and cheating and lying was his way of life.

When my husband left me, I went through the normal stages of grief, mad, self-pity...but managed to get over that hurdle quite quickly when I found out all that I did. The dumb ass - set up housekeeping near MY nieces. I knew everything he was doing. Plus the fact that I made trips to the hometown frequently and saw him often.

Eight years later and I still manage to get upset. I have my kids and grandchildren which is more than enough to keep me happy. More than my late husband ever appreciated. Life goes on, I have a wonderful life, and I'm happy. My great kids make all the difference in the world.

My son has no love for his father - he saw and heard too much to ever change that opinion. So if his aunts or uncles would ever try to change that feeling - they are in for a rude awakening. Oh, and they don't even want to bring anything up to my daughter...she will chew them up and spit them out! Amazing how a single person can instill that much animosity.

I feel better - just getting this out. My husband may have had other women - but I have my children, which I love and appreciate every beating moment.

I guess I need to vent a little also.

2009-02-08T21:02:00.003-05:00

I started this blog to veer away from my regular site, mainly to vent. At the moment, I just read a fellow blogger's post and she is citing all the tasks she is responsible for within the home, not to mention her full-time outside job. It does get to be aggravating at times.

When my husband was alive and living in the home, he was worthless in assisting with most household chores or repairs. I stated many times that he was great at starting projects, but lousy at finishing any of them. He was also great at bitching about what was NOT done, in his alcoholic gravelly voice, but never found the words to praise the accomplishments. For most of those years, I too worked full time. At one point I worked two jobs to compensate for the wages he managed to drink away. It worked for me, I did succeed in getting my son through a fine college - and he never complained about the $50 I would give him a week for spending money - more if I could afford it. The smile on his face when I presented him with a nice used car, his second year of college was priceless. By that time, his father had moved in with his slut girlfriend and never sent a dime our way.

All that is beside the point. There is so much I need to have done right now and definitely not enough hours in the day. My daughter works mostly 3-11:30 pm shifts, and she is too tired to help or says she will "do it later" - I need a baseball bat!

Along with seeing that my clients are taken care of, I will get to the walls that need scrubbed, the carpets shampooed, the upstairs walls that need painted....and on and on.

I have reached a point where I have to tell myself that I physically can no longer do these tasks without help. But finances won't allow for that, and I am not one to ask either. Now I need to kick myself in the ass.

Basically, we women know that our job(s) is a thankless one, except for the ocassional notice..and not much will change, at least not in my life.

I feel better now. I have to go throw another load of clothes in the wash and finish the dishes. And the good thing...tomorrow is another day! I just need to get this off my chest for now - nothing will change but I feel a little better.

have a good weekend. I'll see ya when I see ya!

Anger moment hitting me....

2009-01-17T10:48:00.004-05:00

Crazy as I am, I am having issues - labeled "anger" in the title, but more like frustration.

The doctor has told me NOT to do certain things, but if anything is to be done...I have to do it. I love my children, but having brought one daughter back into the house seven years ago - I have lost my privacy, not to mention a life.

My daughter likes to cook, no problem there..but clean-up is not her main talent. Letting pans soak for days is not beyond her. I end up doing the deed, and having her yell at me to "stop." Not happening.

Her laundry skills are limited to putting in washing machine, then dryer and that's it. Days later when she needs something, she will just turn on the dryer, hoping to release the wrinkles...but never folding the entire load. My routine is wash-dry-fold, and put away. Over and done with!!

I raised my kids, following my routines, but they adapt easier methods upon leaving home, it appears.

Yesterday, after many days of nagging, we got the final inside Christmas decorations put away. This was like "pulling teeth!" When the weather warms up - if ever - the outside lights, reindeer and flags will come down.

Thanks for letting me get this out of my system - beats screaming at the wall. Have a great weekend!

GRANDMA SARAH PALIN & GRANDPA TODD...

2008-12-29T19:16:00.002-05:00

Well, Bristol Palin has finally given birth. Her son weighted 7 lb 4 oz., and has been named: TRIPP EASTON MITCHELL JOHNSTON. WTF is with all those names??? Anyway, maybe Bristol and the high school drop-out will get married in 2009 - we shall see!! End of newsflash!

What can 2009 hold for me....and the rest of the U.S.???

2008-12-29T18:41:00.005-05:00

I created this site, just to get away and have a place to vent. We are not always "open" about our lives, and my other site is established - so it is a different persona. Is that fair? I'm not sure, but there are times, the suffering or emotional roller coaster I am on - becomes too overwhelming.

Financially, I am about to have a meltdown. My house is paid for and my pension JUST pays the monthly bills. If it were not for my son, Christmas would have been a disaster. He helps me out, and I feel like a burden - and I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. If my physical health were better, I would be fine with even a part-time position, but even that is an impossibility right now. I have never worked a job where I did not give a minimum of 100% - I just don't see where I could be employed that didn't involve sitting or standing - both of which I cannot handle. Damnit!! I feel like a horse that needs to be shot and put out of my misery.

My son more or less supplements my income, for food and extras...but this is not his job in life. I have to get my Social Security disability and things should improve, but we know how the government moves...one speed...slow!

I am not a very good "resolution" maker/keeper, but this year...I am definitely going to try. First, I definitely want to QUIT smoking. With my past heart history, I should have quit a long time ago...but the Irish/stubborn side of me has not succeeded. Of course, the LOSE WEIGHT issue needs to be addressed as well.

If I tell anyone/someone of my intentions, I will not even have a chance. I have not told my children, as I am going to try my level best at these challenges. Commonly, as soon as say I am going to do "something", and I fail...there are the "I told you Si's" and "loser", only to mention a couple. This challenge is for me and me alone - success or failure to be dealt with BY me. Admittedly, I have absolutely NO willpower, and challenges are quite difficult...but honestly, I will try.

So much for my daily vent...I will return at some time soon, I hope. TTFN.

I need a life....

2008-11-22T20:04:00.003-05:00

Don't get old, whatever you do. Find a way to fight that clock. I have arthritis all through my body, from the top of my head to my toes. Several years ago, I had a bone scan done and that sonofumbeach lit up like a Christmas tree. I am not in severe pain all the time, but I have a very high thresh hold for pain. When the winter months arrive and even damp seasons - I notice the difference.

Hereditary traits like these are a real pain. My oldest daughter has rheumatoid arthritis and it has affected her feet terribly. I feel so bad for her and she is only 38 (as of the 29th of this month).

I babysit my grandson a great deal and wish I could do more active things with him, but physically I just can't anymore.

Eight heart attacks, triple bypass, multiple other surgeries and this body is shot to hell. I had back surgery 29 years ago and everything had been fine until last October when my best friend was dying. I ran home to get some things to help take care of her, and when I ran in the front door - I stepped on the cat and fell very hard. That fall, messed up the surgery of so many years ago. I cannot sit or stand for long, and the pain of getting out of bed in the morning is tough.

I'm just griping here - that's why I created a second blog. A place to selfishly vent. Do I feel better - physically NO, but mentally, probably.

I avoid doctors and tests, as the only health insurance I have is from my husband's union - and it is only 80% major medical. Anesthesiology (when I had bypass) was only paid 25%. I have no prescription, dental, office or eye care. Now doesn't that just suck? I should be on all kinds of meds for my heart - but screw that. The Lipitor was running me $160/month. No way Jose. Talk about falling through the cracks. And I get the run around on getting Social Security Disability. I have applied as a widow also. Normally, I could draw as a widow at 62, but now I just have to play the game to try and get it earlier. Bureaucracy is a blast too.

OK - feel better now...time to get the kid in the bath tub.

Until then..............

Back to normal????!!! Maybe not....

2008-11-05T15:15:00.004-05:00

My son put a cartoon on his blog this morning - referencing me and how addictive I have become to blogging - as seen on my other site. I have been blogging since Dec. 2005 and basically made cursory once or twice a week entries. But alas, this political season has seen a more rampant posting. But not on this site.

I feel like this kitty in the bowl now - and I have to come out and alive! Just thinking that Thanksgiving is three weeks from tomorrow and then 4 weeks till Christmas makes my heart speed up. I am so not ready for either, and heaven knows, financially Christmas scares me. My paltry pension just does not go far enough. My physical health is not what it used to be, and finding employment that is conducive to each and every problem is tough...Rats, I'll think about that later.

The grandson is keeping me busy with homework assistance right now - so I will try to come up with something for later.

Till then....

A weather-changing day...

2008-10-15T12:31:00.004-04:00

No sunshine, comfortably warm (74 deg.), rain and cold moving in by this afternoon, early evening. Lovely.

I have a client (new) coming this afternoon, to have her and her husbands 2007 tax returns filed. They haven't filed for quite some time as they are retired - but after talking to her on the phone several months ago - it appears she should probably have filed in prior years. But my task today, is just the one return. Nothing like waiting till the last day of extensions (and to get her stimulus check) to get it prepared.

This is me everyday - what to fix for dinner? (It definitely won't be a baby!) But my grandson is the most picky eater - his mothers fault - and needs to try more and different foods. Give him chicken nuggets and fries and he is a happy camper.

This blog site is still being thought out. I'm not sure where I want to go with it and all that happy shit - still thinking.

Till then...

Therapy has been futile...

2008-10-13T14:51:00.002-04:00

I gave up on the physical therapy. For one thing, it really hasn't changed a thing after 3 continuous weeks, when they said I should see some change within a week. Now I am waiting to see how much my "out of pocket" expenses are going to be. I am still fighting with the insurance company - they didn't pay one cent for the ER visit - and that is $200. I just won't pay it - big hairy deal.

The weather is lovely - about 80 degrees and sunny. I saw a long term forecast, and it seems the daily temps will be in the 40's by the end of this month - that does not make me a happy camper.

I wanted so bad to go see Joe Biden tomorrow, but I'm not happy with babysitters available to watch my grandson for a short time. this political quagmire is taking it's toll on my nerves and my life. I am eating, breathing and sleeping POLITICS. It drives my daughter nuts at times - but so be it! Three more weeks and it will all be over. Now, if McCain/Palin happen to pull this out of the proverbial "bag", I will be making plans to move to Canada or Mexico. Having Palin anywhere near Washington politics is such a scary thought!

I have some things to take care of so have a good day!

Till then.....

I'm Thinking of making this something different!

2008-10-11T14:42:00.005-04:00

I am not sure where to go with this yet, but since I have been so political on my regular site...this may be just a getaway for me. Or I could also put some political points on here too - why not? What's to stop me? I'm over 21 and not afraid!

I do more than my share of the cleaning, as a matter of fact I think I do 98% of all the tedious jobs around here. Begging and beseeching to get help doesn't seem to work - that's for sure.

When I first saw this picture, I kept thinking of Slyght (theson) and when he was in Ireland - his biggest thrill was the Guinness factory - must be the Irish side of the genes he got from me. that is not to insinuate that he looks anything lie a squirrel. That would be very mean and cruel - he is more like a....nah! no clue!

I am going to try and jazz this site a little - see what happens. I shall return!